5 Ways to Prepare for A Failed Match

There are no guarantees when it comes to adopting a child. The road to adoption can be quick and easy or it can be long and hard. So many factors have to play out in order for a child to finally become your own. As a hopeful adoptive parent, you have probably heard the horror stories about the bad experiences that others have had. Many hopeful adoptive parents, who are looking to adopt a newborn, will most likely experience a failed match or two before the perfect match comes along. Here are 5 ways that you can prepare for a failed match during your adoption process:

Keep It in Mind

It is possible that you will experience a failed match before finally bringing home your child. Adopting is not a cut and dry process and nothing is ever set in stone. In fact, many adoptive parents have a hard time believing that anything is final at the end of an adoption due to the amount of work and heartache that is involved along the way. One way to prepare for a failed match is to remember that they do happen. If you talk to any other adoptive parents you will learn that failed matches are more common than you may think. Matches can fail for a wide range of reasons and are not at all your fault. Remember to just keep taking the next step and remain hopeful, but not dead set, on a match with a child.

Understand the Timeline

It is a good idea to speak to your adoption agency about all of the timeline issues surrounding an adoption. Each state has their own laws and guidelines that need to be followed in order to successfully adopt a child. Make sure that you know what is expected in terms of birthparents consenting rights as well as the window of time that most birthparents have to change their mind. Your adoption agency will help you with this part of the process and will be a good advocate and support system for you during this nerve-racking time. Knowing the laws, and what could happen within those laws, are important in preparing for the possibility of a failed match.

Be Honest with Others

You will probably have a lot of friends and family who will want to know all about the adoption process and will ask many questions. It is great to have such a strong support system but sometimes the questions can get daunting, especially when the birth of your child is near. It is important to be honest with people when talking about the excitement surrounding the adoption. Make sure that your support system knows that nothing is guaranteed and that a failed match is possible. Doing so will be helpful in making sure that others understand the circumstances just in case a failed match does occur.

Use the Right Language

Consider choosing to use the right language when it comes to a match with a child. Use wording that involves the possibility of this being your child instead of the guarantee of bringing home a child. Saying things like, “We plan to bring him home from the hospital” instead of “We will bring him home from the hospital” are subtle ways that you can prepare for the possibility of a failed match. This will help those that you talk to understand that the possibility of not bringing home your child is a possible outcome. Make sure that those that you talk to understand that a match is not a guarantee and correct anyone who may say so otherwise.

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