When you are making an adoption plan, it’s always tricky to figure out how to talk about your plan, and who to discuss it with.  It’s a very personal and emotional decision, and your reasons or feelings might be hard to put into words.

Here are some common questions we here on the subject:

Will you help me tell the father I want to place my child for adoption?

It will depend on what your current relationship is with the birth father.  Your case manager will talk with you about the best way to notify him of your adoption plan; whether the news should come directly from you or from our office.  Of course, your caseworker can be with you when you share the news if you need the support.

How can I tell my family I am giving my baby up for adoption?

We understand that telling your family you are giving up your baby up for adoption can be one of the most difficult and emotional conversations you might have.

Your caseworker and our clinical counselor can help you talk through some of the emotions you might be experiencing, as well as, help you with the wording.

Here are some of the things we often suggest.

Although it is commonly heard, we try not to say “giving up” your baby for adoption.  By no means does making an adoption plan mean you gave up or are giving away your baby.

Adoption means making a plan for you and your child to have a beautiful future. Adoption is a difficult decision, but it doesn’t mean that you are unloving towards your child, and in fact, it is quite the opposite.

Explaining this difference in wording is a good place to start in explaining why you are choosing adoption. You are choosing a plan for your child to have a beautiful future.

Next you can talk about why you think their best possible future should be with an adoptive couple.  Explain what it is about where you are in your life that makes you think parenting isn’t a possibility. Whether it’s a lack of resources or support, whatever reason has lead you to this decision, share your reasons.

This decision is yours and no one else’s.  But it’s good to have a support around you.  Share your adoption plan with the family that needs to know.

What do I say when people ask me why I gave my child up for adoption?

First, you don’t necessarily need to explain yourself to everyone. Your decision for your baby is just that, your decision. You don’t need to answer to anyone but yourself and perhaps your little one someday.

But, if it’s someone you feel comfortable sharing your story with, I would suggest being open and honest. “I decided I wanted to place my child for adoption because, I wanted to provide my baby with the best life possible, even if that meant it wasn’t with me”

How do I tell my other children I want to place my baby up for adoption?

Talking to your children about your adoption decision can be handled a few different ways.  Approaches can vary given the age of your children.  Our clinical counselor can advise you about how to share your plan with your children.

Gift of Life can also provide you with a list of age appropriate books that can help explain adoption to your children in a way they can understand.

There is also a possibility that your older children can be involved in your adoption plan. If you are comfortable with their involvement, they can look through profile books with you. They might be able to meet the adoptive family.  They could also help you choose a keepsake to send home with the baby.  It’s up for you to decide how much involvement you feel comfortable with, and you can also discuss that decision with your counselor.

Choosing adoption for your child is a difficult, sacrificial, and loving decision.   During your adoption journey, it’s important to have a good community of people around you.  Talking honestly about your adoption plan with people you love and trust is a good way to build that community.

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