How to Talk About Adoption as a Birth Mother
Choosing adoption for your baby is one of the bravest and most important decisions of your life. There are many reasons to choose adoption, including finances, future plans, and overall ability to parent. Carrying a child to term in itself is a noble way to honor the baby’s life. However, it can be hard to know what to say to those who ask about your adoption plans. Check out these ways to talk about adoption as a birth mother.
During Pregnancy
Many birth mothers choose adoption for the baby during the pregnancy. While you may decide early on in the pregnancy or right before the birth, it is essential to speak about the adoption process with others.
Be Open with Others
Let family and friends know your thoughts on adoption and how you feel about the process. Listen to questions and concerns that friends and family may have about your decision. It is important to make an informed decision about adoption, so think about all of the aspects involved. Be honest with those that love you about your reasons behind choosing adoption and what it means for your life moving forward.
Watch Your Words
It can be easy to get into the habit of saying “give up” or “put up” a baby for adoption, but that isn’t the case at all. It may help to choose different words like, “I am choosing adoption for my baby,” as a better way to present your decision. Birth mothers who choose adoption do so by selecting the adoptive family. Using an active voice tells others that you are an informed woman who makes this decision on your own. Use words that give you the power and put you in the driver’s seat of this decision.
After the Birth
Giving birth to a baby is a huge accomplishment! The time immediately after the baby is born and the following days can be confusing.
Be Honest with Yourself
Seeing the baby may bring on emotions and thoughts that are new and unknown. Make sure to keep being honest with yourself about how you are feeling and what adoption means for both you and the baby. Talk it out with a close friend or family member who supports you no matter what. When working with an adoption agency, be honest with the adoption caseworker who has experience in this situation.
Real Parent vs. Birth Parent
The term “real parent” is intended towards you, the person who gave birth to the baby, and the partner you had at conception. However, it is better to consider yourself the “birth parent” instead of the “real parent.” When you choose adoption, your role involves the pregnancy and birth of the baby. Referring to yourself as a birth mom allows others to understand the situation and that you played a vital role in the child’s life.
In the Future
Choosing adoption for your baby is an incredible decision. While those people in your life during the pregnancy will know about the baby, you’ll meet people in the future who may not know at all. You get to decide when and if you want to share about being a birth mother. You can choose to tell others about being a birth mom, or may want to keep it to yourself. Either option is perfectly okay depending on what you choose
If you have an open adoption, consider talking to the adoptive parents about how to talk about the adoption as well. Understand and respect boundaries about what the child will call you. Be open with the adoptive parents about your feelings and how certain words make you feel if you ever are uncomfortable.
Talking about adoption can be a sticky subject, and it is hard to navigate sometimes. Be open with those around you about your decision and watch what words you use to describe the situation. Choosing terms like “choosing adoption” and “birth mother” are ways that you can acknowledge your essential role in the birth of the child.
